Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 7:09 AM
hey. bloggin earlier first. but later in the late night again. =X heee.
today aint a good day. AINT AT ALL ! :((
first of all, i dun get to see him. i miss him.
second of all, is that i realized that..
i cant trust many stuff.
jas, i really trust you ! i really love her. so nice of her ! always listening to my moanings and always talking me out. love her soo soo much ! (X
got a real shocked of my life. i wont say it here. nonono. dun ask me about it, i aint gonna spit any fucking shiat out of my mouth. i guess i have to admit my fate. I HAVE TO ! i have many questions in my mind. like, " must i smile or get upset ? , must i ren or say ? , must i ask or be quiet ? , must i or must i not ? must i still carry on or must i let go ? " still there are many more. i dunno what i should do now. really, so fucked up. really so pissssssssssseeeeeeeeddddd. but not really much of pissed. a little only i guess. i feel attacked by something hard that it knocks my out of my senses. in the front and at the back. soo hard. dat it hurts me so much. made me lose my SENSES. i lost control. LOST IT ALL. still having all those sentences whirling inside of ma head. why why why ? starting off with a good pleasent day, and hanging in the air now. clueless of many things. nvm, none of you will understand how i feel. NONE. only jas and xanne i guess. XANNE, i forgot. thank you sooooo muchh toO ! she is one great person tooo. LOVE HER MANY ! (X
i cant concentrate on anything. i might just stone forever. be a stone, be a statue. i tot i could help, i tried, but it failed. that maybe that causes all this shiat out of me. i tried really tired. i HANGED MYSELF, STRANGLED MYSELF, KILLED MYSELF, SLAPPED MYSELF, SCRACTCHED MYSELF, CUT MYSELF, HIT MYSELF. and now im here. ( ok, thats not true. its me just giving examples of my feelings, sort of dead feelings ) HANGING HALF-DEADLY. i decided to write a poem for myself, what i feel now, i feel like a poet. maybe i shall be famous someday. (: here it goes.
i can feel
the undescribeable feeling
of all these
slowly twirling around
the mystified heart
the clueless heart
the rotting heart
its slowly eroding away
unnoticeable
not leaving any marks
for you to follow
not leaving any blood
for you to follow
not leaving anything
FOR YOU TO FOLLOW !
becos you aint worth it
no no no
i feel so like a LOCK
its hard, and would lock
but, once its open,
the world is open to you
and again, u gtta attend to them
but when its locked forever,
thw world would be locked from you
closed, disappear, not showing
anymore
becos im locked. im locked, from these
im lost
im ripped
im gone
thank you ppl. thats my poem. although is shiat. but i sort of made it through my own BRAINS. although my brain is only a pea brain. =X lol. take care all. ADIOS~